“What do you mean he bailed? He was supposed to draw half the comic?!”
I sat at my desk, staring at Phillip, the 2nd artist that agreed to help illustrated my novel “Stillborn: The First Zombie” and turn it into a comic book.
There were two artists that were supposed to draw the first issue, but artist no.1 just bailed and Phillip just broke the bad news.
“He said he needed to pay his rent. He said he needed money, so he took a job with the military drawing a comic for them.”
“The Military?! That greedy Uncle Sam is taking my artists?! The hell?!”
Phillip only shrugged. We had a hell of a dilemma on our hands. We were two months behind schedule and Phillip had only drawn the backgrounds and done the layout. We had panels and scenery, but no characters.
I turned to Phillip with a glimmer of hope in my decaying eyes.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You could draw the rest of it.”
“Whoa- Wait- What? I just started learning how to draw a few months ago. I’m not that great at drawing characters yet. I haven’t gotten that far.”
Phillip was right. He was inexperienced in these matters, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t without skill. The boy just needed a kick in the balls.
“Look, you can draw. I’ve seen the pages you’ve done. All you got to do is draw the people, the characters. That’s it.”
“But I’m not that good —”
“DON’T SAY THAT CRAP! Get it together, man! Just take some pics of your friends, get some reference photos, fuck, read a BOOK. Just draw it! This is our only shot, Phill. You’ve drawn half the book, now draw the other half! You can do it!”
“But what if it looks like –”
“Quit doubting yourself and just do it before I gobble your skinny ass for lunch!!!”
A new sense of optimism gleamed in Phillip’s eyes, as well as fear of being eaten alive. With a determined look, he nodded his head and ran home.
2 months later we have a completed version of the comic to submit to publishers.
Phillip worked hard and did some great stuff.
As Phillip registered for copyrights, which I can’t because they don’t give social security numbers to dead people, and now we have a small “pitch website” up and running.
This week is the moment I’ve been working the hardest for. Once the publishers get ahold of this, we’re sure to get on board with one of the comic book publishing companies.
I have to tell you, I could feel a beat in this cold heart of mine. I hadn’t experienced anticipation in many years, not since I found a sack of abandoned babies in a dumpster. (don’t worry, I turned ‘em in.)
Now, it was all a matter of time before we are contracted with a publisher and on our way to telling the world the story of Stillborn.
If you’d like to check out the page for yourself, you can find it here.
-HSZ
Hello all dead and deadites of the underworld, Hunter S. Zombie here, sorry to be gone for so long. My posts have been less frequent as this zombie has had troubles paying his bills, that and fighting off spammers. Geez, ppl, ENOUGH WITH THE SPAM ALREADY! Advertise your business somewhere else, you crazy crack-heads!
Anyway, back to the subject at hand, after many failed attempts to get my movie a greenlight from the folks in Hollywood, I found myself alone in a cemetery, munching on someone’s grandmother which tastes a lot like broken pride.
It was there that I decided to try and build up some cash by selling a book I had written, based on my childhood. I went through the usual motions of publication, which means I was rejected, rejected, rejected.
So, a few artists had gotten ahold of a copy of my book (thanks to online pirating) and said, “This would make an awesome comic book.” They contacted me with some sketches and I gave the go-ahead.
As of right now, the first issue of my new zombie comic is over halfway complete.
Now, while things are still under construction, as far as publication goes, but the artists are aiming at the publisher Image Comics for the comic books mass distribution. Some of you may know them, most comic readers anyway, (does the name Spawn ring any bells?), and they have an open submission policy unlike Marvel or DC (btw, DC just changed it’s logo and it looks…weird).
You see, ppl at Marvel (Spider-Man, Iron-Man, etc) don’t accept submissions for new comic book titles. They got enough money and since Disney bought ‘em, they don’t NEED any new titles. DC comics (Superman, Batman, etc) have a “Talent Search” but it only wants you to draw THEIR comics, similar to Marvel.
Two of the other Four major comic book publishers are Dark Horse and Image, and they are the only two that listen to average zombie writers like me for new titles to be printed (plus they publish comics targeted for more mature readers, check out Sin City to get an idea).
The artists I’m working with are dead-set on Image and I agree. They target our kind of readers and are very fair with their artists and creators.
So look for the funny book with my name on it, with your support and help, this Zombie might actually be able to pay his bills.
-HSZ
Howdy inhabitants of Zombieland, I’ve been quite distant lately as the cruel world of fate has dealt me another punch to the nuts. I’ve been scrambling in the world of filmmaking and found myself hitting alot of brick walls.
After patching my head with duct-tape for the hundredth time, I have put up my project to push forward with a way to get my stories to the wide masses. Sure, I could just spread a virus and get some quick news, but then no one would be around to enjoy the story. In case you haven’t noticed, zombies don’t have very good focus, especially if the person telling the story is still living.
I’m pushing forward, gathering creative minds to assist me in finding the perfect medium to tell the tales of Hunter Stillborn Zombie. If there is one thing a zombie can always count on, it’s the ability to never give up. Hell, you saw that chick in the first episode of “The Walking Dead”. Now, that’s what I call dedication.
some don't know when to quit.
Stay focused, be resilient and never, never, never give up.
-HSZ
PS – ENOUGH WITH THE SPAM ALREADY! I HAD OVER 7,000 COMMENTS OF NOTHING BUT SPAM! FIND ANOTHER CORPSE TO PICK ON, YOU VULTURES!
Hunter S. Zombie here for all you UnDead Heads out there and I’ve just come across some of the most amazing news I have yet to find on the Government’s control with the Zombie Virus.
As you may already know, Osama bin Laden was located and killed, creating a victory for the US, only taking ten years and about a trillion bucks, but even greater was Uncle Sam’s real plans for the body of the dead Religious Nut-job.
I headed into a military base along the East Coast, guarded heavily and with good reason. These Big Brother Cronies were housing the very substance that would change this war forever.
I was guided in by a sloppy grunt from Alabama that I scored a sack of weed from at the local Waffle House.
“You a weird-looking kind of guy.” He grumbled, blowing a strong whiff of Irish whiskey in my face. His stance was still woozy from the mixture of liquor and waffles. The rancid smell of his repeated farts told me it wasn’t sitting well.
“When you’re UnDead you can’t help the way you look.”
“Hey, man.” He slurred, flopping his arm over my shoulder as a kind brother. “That’s just the way God made you. That’s what my mama always said. It’s just you – You are you—Who else can you be? Huh? I’m me. You know? I work at the military base and I’m … very important over there. I’m a guard, ya’ see?”
He slapped his finger against his badge, his eyes lost and hazy, shining that glassy red that told you he knew where he was, but wasn’t sure how he got here and where he needed to go next. I helped walk the man to his camouflage Hummer as he yammered on.
“See, I know stuff. I’m important. They got me guarding that Zombie Virus that they gonna put in Osama’s asshole tomorrow?”
“Zombie Virus?” I asked, realizing this jackass was my ticket into the heart of Uncle Sam’s operation.
“Yeah.” His eyes suddenly recognized something. “Hey, YOU’RE a ZOMBIE!”
“Nothin’ gets past you.”
“I’m IMPORTANT!”
“Sure you are, now get in the… ‘soccer mom tank’ and show me what the hell you’re talkin’ about.”
He drove through the weary, dark roads of the coastline. Large waves crashed against the rocks, thunder booming in the angry clouds above. Passing signs that told us the road led to nowhere, he drove on until he came to a dark cave that you wouldn’t be able to see if you didn’t already know it was there. Candy striped lumber stood in front of us, with a slim station that looked like a phone booth holding it up.
He told the guard at the gate I was part of “Z-67” and after a serious eye-raping, he flicked the switch allowed us to pass. Once in the cave, a series of steel doors began to open, leading further into the darkness.
Finally, we stopped and Alabama jumped out, happy as could be.
“Let’s go, partner!”
“Go where?! There’s nothing here! You’ve rolled us straight into the Bat-Cave! We’ve gotta get outta here before that giant fuckin’ penny rolls down on us!”
“Hold on! I’ll get the lights!”
I could hear him swipe his card and punch in a few digits on a keypad. With a boom as loud as the thunder outside, light exploded. When my eyes adjusted to light after being fucked by an Albino, I saw large rings of light, circling the cave, going farther and farther. A long, white snake that was burrowed underneath the entire Southern United States.
Neon painted numbers marked each entrance, large pale doors that that were curved along the tube-like coffin that we wandered in. Alabama punched a few more numbers on the keypad and door # 2 opened up.
Inside, Osama’s corpse was strapped inside a glass coffin of sorts, filled with wires and tubes, all connected to a variety of machines that I could barely even begin to understand.
“Here he is!” The drunk escort bellowed. “Not gonna be gettin’ any virgins now, are ya? Ya’ cock licker!”
Alabama stomped over to computer system and slapped his hand against the scanner. Once verified, he punched a few keys and a part of the steel, white wall slid open. A glass case protruded, holding a single syringe that contained The Zombie Virus.
“Once we get this in ‘em.” Alabama explained. “We’re gonna send ‘em back to his buddies, thinking the whole capture was just some bullshit the press made up. We’ll strap ‘em up with cameras and mics, taking down the WHOLE TALIBAN!”
The plan seemed insane. Didn’t they know that once a human is infected with the Zombie Virus that all this crazed corpse will do is attempt to eat the living? Osama won’t get far with his terrorist buddies if he’s eating their skin off while they discuss the next attack.
Red lights suddenly flashed and sirens went off. Security was on to us. Alabama got me back in the truck and zoomed off, back the way we came.
As we left, I turned to see Military Police coming after us, riding on white Hummers, racing from the other end of the long, white tube. The doors closed, one after another, putting them far behind us.
Whether or not this “Osama bin Zombie” will be a success, one can only hope that Big Brother won’t screw it up. Honestly, from this zombie’s perspective, Uncle Sam is fallin’ off his rocker if thinks a zombie can follow orders.
-HSZ
Hi folks,
Hunter S. Zombie here to tell you great news and some bad news.
As you may have remembered, I was trying to push a script “Hollywood way” after a producer asked me to punch one up. After months of writing, I sent the script his way and I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally, I called the producer and was told that the script had been rejected by four production companies. “Everyone’s buying comedies,” I was told. ”Can you write a comedy?”
Being a member of the UnDead and being funny is not unheard of. However, most funny movies involving zombies usually have funny people and scary zombies.
Hell, why not? I’ll give it a shot.
The first comedy I wrote was a bit on the crude side. I thought rude people being covered in shit was funny, but not everyone shares my humor. I sent it to the producer who declined the script because the budget would be too high. Everyone was trying to save money, even Hollywood.
So, I sat down, trying to come up with an idea that I could write about from my own experience, but be able to do on a small budget.
After reading a few books, the idea came to me. I immediately started writing. After a week, I had a script. I called the producer and told them that I could shoot the movie for $5,000.00 bucks if we shot on digital as opposed to film.
“$5,000.00 dollars? Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack, my fleshy friend.”
“I have to read this script.”
I sent it over and had a couple of friends shoot a scene from the screenplay and sent that as well, showing what we could do with close to nothing.
The producer told me how much she loved the script and the scene we shot. She was taking it to a production company that week, and with such a low budget offered, it’d be hard to resist. Now, I await the final decision.
But, until I have the check and contract in hand, and the check clears, I must wait until the final “Ok” comes through. Sitting idle is difficult and I missed out on the Texas Frightmare Horror Convention this year due to all of this rapid writing. Oh well, maybe next year the zombie will get to be more social.
-HSZ
This Zombie's got a Lien?
Zombies have been walking among the human race since its existence and have had to deal with frightful hardships; rotting body parts, lack of health insurance, getting shot all the time, etc.
Now, one of the most famous zombies alive has to face an all new fear, The Internal Revenue Service.
Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of Darkness and considered by some to be ‘King of the Walking Dead’, was reported to have owed $1.7 million dollars in back taxes.
Other zombies have fallen prey to the Tax Man, like Willie Nelson, who became the poster-zombie for tax evasion. He paid over $16 million in back taxes and had to sell all of his possessions.
"Here's my tax money, motherfucker!"
Ozzy’s wife, Sharon, took care of the debt and blamed her crappy accountants for the trouble. Apparently, they were zombies as well and, as some of you may have already guessed, zombies are terrible with money.
Until zombies have earned equal rights among the living, we will still be getting the brunt of the deal in many aspects. Some of you may think Ozzy lives in some big mansion near Hollywood.
..well, he does, but not inside the house, but more, under it, as Ozzy has to be chained in the basement so not to kill any of the family dogs. A recent report stated that a coyote had killed one of their beloved pets, but we know the real story.
Once this tax season is over, hopefully, zombies will start to get better treatment by the IRS and start to understand money just a little bit more.
-HSZ
"That's not the Easter Bunny, that's just a guy in a suit!"
I don’t have to fill your heads with the countless stories about the Zombie Easter Bunny. As you have read, the Zombie Virus has been used to keep our holiday icons alive and this big rabbit was no different.
Sure, he can deliver the eggs, but if you see him doing it, that will be the last thing you see. Numerous sitings have been reported about the Zombie Easter Bunny and sketch artists around the world have been trying to capture the exact description of what eye-witnesses saw while others have taken actual pictures of the creature. The following is what they have come up with:
Here he is with the Zombie Peter Pan
This came from somewhere near Wyoming
Eye witness sketch from Oaksterdam
this little guy barely got away with his life
Imagine seein' that in your backyard at 5am
One eye witness was able to get a picture of the blood-thirty rabbit, just outside Albuquerque:
Making a getaway
If you see the Zombie Easter Bunny, I’m afraid you may have to put him down. Rumors have also been surfacing that he may be trying to infect as many children as possible this holiday season. He’s gone mad and the government is unable to control him.
So lock and load your shotguns when you ready your Easter Baskets this year, because it’s gonna be huntin’ season for the Zombie Easter Bunny and, by the way, that ain’t paint on those eggs.
-HSZ
Hey everyone,
I’ve been currently going through the wringer of the book publishing world to get my new novel published. As I face the wall of the Agents that seem to be surrounding the Publishing World, I will forge ahead without deterrence.
I’ve picked up a couple of tips from published author Jack King, at his website www.spywriter.com.
He recently put out a book, “Ditch the Agent” which you can currently buy at Amazon.com, and is filled with his own trials and tribulations towards publication. It’s definitely a good book for any aspiring writer.
Till then folks, I’ll be back with more zombies news.
-HSZ
Know the difference. It could save you from being eaten.
I’d like to set the record straight for a moment as I have come in contact with several folks that seem to have me confused;
I am NOT the zombie of Hunter S. Thompson.
For those of you that don’t know, Gonzo Journalist, Hunter S. Thompson, died on Feb. 20, 2005 from a self-inflicted gunshot. He was later cremated and his ashes were shot out of a cannon, which is the way I would like to go if I should perish.
The body of Hunter S. Thompson is gone, scattered to the wind, leaving his magnificent words in books, articles and even film adaptations.
I am Hunter S. Zombie. While the Great Dr. Gonzo and I share similar characteristics and appearances, we are not the same individual. I was dressed like this by the group of hippies I was living with back in the 60′s.
They said I looked like Hunter due to my bald head, so they stuck a cigar in my mouth, put a pair big sunglasses on me and had me throw on a Hawaiian shirt. Ever since then, I’ve been going by the name Hunter S. Zombie; the “S” stands for “Stillborn”.
As I continue forward with my own books and writings, I know that people will forever link me and Thompson together and I don’t consider this a terrible thing.
I’m glad that I remind people of the Duke. I believe it’s a way to help carry on Hunter’s spirit for the future generations that call me, “That Johnny Depp guy from that movie.” I’m glad to educate them and point them in the direction of Thompson’s work, so that they may be enlightened by the magnificent bastard.
I will not deny Thompson’s influence on my own work, or myself, but one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that we are not the same person. That aside, I encourage all of you to pick up a book by Thompson, you could probably find some at your local library for free, and open your mind to the man that made drugs, booze and insanity part of his everyday life.
As long as we keep his words in our hearts and minds, Dr. Gonzo will never truly die.
-HSZ
wtf?
While the film appears to bring a new light to the zombie genre, it may also sink it like a boulder strapped to a fat man. I always enjoy seeing zombies in a new light, whether it be comedic or horrific, because every piece helps people understand that zombies are people too, UnDead People, but still people.
Once I have viewed this cinematic piece of zombie fun, I will let you know and either encourage you to see it or have you do all you can to burn any original copies.
In the meantime, watch Shaun of the Dead.
-HSZ
